This vintage article (circa 2010), written by the inimitable Adrianna Lee Collins, and has recently been discovered under yards of knitting and various piles of bills from her many purchases of shoes and wine glasses. She recently sent it to me and I found it quite hilarious. Here we go.
As many of you know, I make mention in this blog and on my previous blog, of my friend-slash-nemesis, Wonderboy. Wonderboy does his thing over here (wonderbox.us).
So if you follow this link, you will find the sort of lies and propaganda that he has been perpetrating against me for some time now. As a response to this unprovoked attack, I thought it high time, dear readers, that you know the truth about Wonderboy. The awful truth my well-informed spies have dug up for me. See for yourself:
This is Wonderboy circa the early 90’s. Back when he was know as the Joshster. You see, Joshster had a dream. He wanted to be adored by teeny boppers everywhere as a lead singer with lush locks. He worked very hard perfecting his high pitched wail and spent hours locked in a secret tree house in his mother’s Adirondacks home, scribbling down lyrics of unrequited love and the longing to party all night. After this strenuous preparation, and many weeks of slim-fast, he painted on his leather trousers and went off to audition for the big time. He had many rejections, but was finally discovered by second cousin of the sister of the wife of the guy who lived next door to the manager of Bon Jovi. This was his big break! He quickly signed a contract and his new representation went to work finding him musicians who would match the caliber of the Joshster’s talent. Eventually, a complete band was formed and they settled on the name “Meh.” Surely you’ve heard of them, right? Their first album was titled: “Enough With The Signs!” and the first single went all the way to number 198 on the charts. It was a catchy little tune called “Yeah, You’ll Have That.” You’re humming it now, aren’t you?
Anyway, the band embarked on their first world tour, but unfortunately, the Joshster couldn’t handle the rigors of life on the road and sought solace in bags and bags of Swedish Fish. In fact, at one point, he had so many stuffed in his jacket that he was stopped and detained at the greater Middlebury airport. His dependency grew to the point at which he could no longer fit into the leather pants and the band had to issue an ultimatum: go to rehab, or be tossed out of the band. The tour was cut short so that he could be checked in to the appropriate facility. After six months, he emerged clean and sober and ready to record the second album. But time waits for no man.
You see whilst he was in treatment, the musical taste of the country changed. Out with hair metal and in with grunge and rap. The band tried to keep up by changing their sound, but grunge really wasn’t a good fit and they ended up disbanding. Joshster attempted a solo career as a rapper, performing under the moniker “P-trilly”, but his single “Wh-Wha-What-Huh” was a total flop. He had good dance moves though.
No one is quite sure how the transition happened, but after several years in an undisclosed bunker, he has emerged again, as the man we all know as Wonderboy. But I felt it was high time that you all knew the truth of his questionable past. I mean really, have you seen the amount of Mike and Ike’s he consumes? Should we be concerned?
hahaha.. perfect!! 🙂