“You usually don’t trip over boulders, but over small stones.”
They had just paved the parking lot by McClain Hall at Grace College. I was super excited because I was very much into rollerblading at the time. So I strapped on my skates and was zipping around the freshly paved lot. It was beautiful. So smooth and black — they had not even painted the lines yet. As I came into a nice turn near Indiana Hall, without warning, I suddenly found myself airborne. Evidently my wheel had hit a tiny stone and I was in a full out bellyflop toward the pavement. Naturally, I had no wrist guards or knee pads. Needless to say, I sprained my wrist and got a little road rash on the knees and elbow, but I survived to skate another day. It is crazy how that one tiny stone could immediately stop the momentum of a full grown human on skates.
And that’s what offense does. It stops us in our tracks. A year or so ago, the word “unoffendable” was my word of the year. It’s not technically a word, but the Lord was highlighting an area of my life that I needed to work on. I don’t get easily offended, or so I thought, and figured I was pretty good at letting things go. Good grief, that year was fraught with situations and people that did all kinds of stuff that irritated me, caused me to be hurt or upset, and made me wonder what my deal was. It was almost like God was showing me that I was not as put together as I thought and I had to really learn what it means to not get offended by little stuff.
Offense is stealthy and subtle. Just a small word spoken can blossom into a major weed in our lives. The truth is, if we allow offense to have its way in our lives, it will destroy us. The Bible says it is like a root of bitterness that will choke the vine. We have several dead trees in the woods that are covered with poison oak. It climbed and wrapped itself all around that tree until it killed the tree and all that remains is the trunk. That’s what offense will do.
John Bevere says that when I am offended I am quick to argue and defend myself; I am quick to anger; quick to get hurt feelings; I replay comments and situations over and over in my mind (Oh my gosh, yes!) or I avoid talking to certain people.
Often it is because my heart has been hurt and I have not given it to Christ and allowed him to heal me. Proverbs 18:19 say that “an offended person is harder to be won than a strong city, and is like the iron bars around a citadel.” Once offenses take root, they are hard to drive out. Jeremiah 17:9 – the heart is deceitful and desperately sick… Who can understand it?
Offense strikes at my virtues and my character. It invades me and causes me to live differently because there is now a barrier between me and God, between me and my brother or sister, and ultimately between me and my calling.
Offense happens when I expect people to fulfill things in my life rather than allowing God to do that. That is a false expectation and a setup for failure. My validity and security comes from knowing the power of Christ. Living in the place of peace and love comes when Christ is my security. Ezekiel 36:26 says, “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you… I will take out the heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” The heart of Christ is one that is not offended.
Possessing an unoffendable heart can not just be optional, it has to be who I am. The days that are coming — the days that are already upon us — are only going to get worse. People will fall away from the faith, betray one another, and even hate each other (Matthew 24). These are some of the serious spiritual consequences when people allow themselves to be offended.
Dave Ramer spoke recently about the power of our words. He said, “The little foxes in Song of Solomon are often metaphors for our words (2:15). When you are walking with God and producing fruit, there are little foxes in our lives that are spoiling the fruit…. This can be your words and your actions. The vineyard is the garden of your heart. Our default nature is to blame others for what is going on in our hearts.”
That is a huge part of the spirit of offense. When I allow someone’s words or actions to cause me to become offended [rather than immediately taking that thought captive and dealing with it] I plant it in the garden of my heart and let it grow. I can’t do that anymore and expect to mature and walk without offense.
Let it go. (Not the Frozen song.) I remember seeing that written on the door to my sister’s barn. When I walk out of here, whatever it is that someone said or did… LET. IT. GO.
Seek after the heart of Christ and you will learn to live without offense. To live unoffendable is to live with self control, meekness, and humility. And funnily enough, in the kingdom of God, this exemplifies a life of great power.