I was thinking about Father’s day and manhood and all the stuff that is being done to try and promote “masculinity” and “being a man” in our culture today. I don’t have anything against it, but I think the way to learn to be a man is to have a father who is one. And I was blessed to have a father like that. Not everyone has that privilege, I realize that. And that is where guys need to step up to fill those roles in the lives of boys and young men in their families, churches, communities, big brother groups, etc. My dad didn’t need to wear a kilt or run a 5k uphill both ways in the mud, shock himself with a cattle prod, ride a Harley, shoot an AK47 blindfolded, or jump out of an airplane with a sandwich bag and a rubber band to prove himself to be a man. There was never a question in my mind as a little boy, teenager or adult, that Dad was a man.
The first thing he did was provide for his family. He made an honest living and even though times were hard, we were never without a 4 walls, a roof, clothing and food. He loved his family. That was never a question. He was not a weepy emotional guy, but I had no doubt, that despite his sometimes stern exterior, there was a deep love inside for each of us. He said it often, even while we were being disciplined. Dad told amazing stories, and was a leader spiritually in our home. He loved Jesus Christ and it showed. He taught me how to be a servant just by … being a servant. His life touched the lives of so so so many people. He poured his life into theirs. He modeled servanthood as Christ did. I remember late nights crawling in the dirt and bugs under a single mom’s trailer fixing leaking pipes, or laboring over a broken car in someone’s driveway on a saturday, or helping someone fix their roof in the rain. Dad knew important essentials of living. From killing an animal for food, to where to find the best mint for tea in the middle of the woods, to exploring the mountains for crystal clear lakes and fire building techniques, fixing a car exhaust with wire and a soup can, to repurposing old windows as cabinets, the list goes on at his inventiveness and knowledge. But it taught me that a man is someone who is not afraid to try. Dad read books – this was important to him. He read a lot actually. And the main book of his life was the Bible. I have his Bible. It is dogeared and underlined and pencilled and the spine is taped. Often I would find him sleeping on the floor with the Bible on his chest when I would come home late at night after working. This simple picture spoke volumes to me. [How often do I fall asleep reading the Word of God?] He was very creative and expressed his creativity in his carving or storytelling. Dad could captivate an entire bus full of kids as we drove through the countryside telling an amazing story which of course, had a message of hope and truth. He was protective of his wife – he didn’t take kindly to anyone (including us kids) disrespecting her. I recall the time two boys in my mom’s study hall were giving her all kinds of trouble day after day and one day he was walking through the hall of the private school I attended and he heard them disrespecting her. He walked in and took them out of the classroom and picked the both up – one in each arm against the wall and got in their faces and said, that is my wife in there and you will listen to her. I remember hearing other kids talk about that moment for a long time after that. He seemed 10 feet tall to me when I was little (even though he was actually 5’6″). He always took us boys with him wherever he went – this is such a significant part of teaching boys about manhood. From junkyards, to auto part stores to cutting trees in the woods to eating out for lunch at the local diner, we were a part of his day to day life. He relied on us to help out with the work around the house – and from an early age we knew how to split and stack wood, cut grass, start the wood stoves in the house and drive various pieces of equipment or vehicles. My sister learned to drive the most equipment as we boys were out of the house and he needed her help.
Anyway… I guess the point is that I learned a lot from just watching a true man – imperfect, flawed, sometimes wrong, sometimes bullheaded, stubborn, but a lover of Jesus, of his family, generous and giving, a true servant. He poured more into my life than probably anyone ever will, because it is in those formative years that so much of who you are is shaped. I was going to write all this on Father’s Day, but Dad would have gone to the lake if he had the opportunity, so you know… I figured that’s what I would do too. Love you Dad – thanks for your amazing example in my life. See you soon on the other side!