The things that matter most in our lives might not be not fantastic or grand. The things that matter are found in those small moments; those deep friendships; and those amazing seasons of connection and relationship that will never be forgotten.
To be honest, I don’t even remember how Jason and I met. It was the early 2000s and I was working at Grace as Director of the Publications and Communications office and he was a new student. At some point our paths crossed and there was a connection that began a friendship.
Jason was a passionate guy. About music, cars, friendships, and good conversation. He was not afraid of sharing his opinion, regardless of whether or not it agreed with yours. He didn’t hold back and you always knew where he stood. As our friendship grew, his friends became my friends, and soon, my house was one of the places that they came to hang out on the regular. Several of them were studying graphic design; many of them musicians and artists; all of them trying to figure out life and faith and all the relational drama that comes with your college years. Jason was a natural leader and this was his tribe.
When I first started hanging out with Jason, we would often meet up in his dorm — a crappy old house on the edge of campus — was it Gamma C or something? I forget. Being a musician, he helped broaden my perspective and open my mind to some stuff I had never heard before like Radiohead and Aphex Twin. To this day, I still listen to Telefon TelAviv — a phenomenal electronic ambient group. The punk rock scene was his jam, so I spent many hours at shows with the group. His band was All Things Considered, and he was lead singer/guitarist. As I recall they changed their name to Addison. I remember going to Battle of the Bands at the Post in Goshen, shows in Warsaw, Winona, and other venues in the area. Those hot, sweaty shows packed with teens and college kids in black tees and dyed hair, tattoos, cigarette smoke, mosh pits, and the sheer noise were all a part of this wild and unforgettable experience. At one point Jason, Josh Lee, and Scott Cline started an emo band called Sad Hours Seem Long and their first show was in the Student Union on campus.
My house was considered “The Refuge.” It was a safe space for everyone to be who they were. Kristi, Krista, Jamie, Cori, Steph, and Kaycee would come and make food for the guys — Jason, Jimmy, Fricke, Winey, Josh Lee, Lukas, Jeff, Jordan and probably a bunch of others I am forgetting. Kristi’s chocolate chip cookies were always on point and absolutely amazing. We would all play games like Trivial Pursuit, Jenga, Uno, and our favorite card game, “Afghani Camel Hump.” Pretty sure Jimmy came up with that. It was high energy, loud, full of insults and trash talking, and so much laughing — but those moments live on in my mind as significant and beautiful. One day we had a snow fight in the front yard. A bunch of people were over and Kristi and I decided it needed to happen. I tried to tackle Winey and failed, and Jason put my head in the snow. Jason held Kristi down and tried to make her sing “I’ve Been Working on the Railroad” by dripping snow down her face… but I think she won out. We had Christmas parties and the gang bought me my first DVD player. They helped me move to the house near campus which had a hot tub and a bigger garage. The winter hot tub conversations with Jimmy, Jason, Fricke and I were never dull. Usually it was late and we would sit under the stars and talk about the deeper things of life — faith, the universe, God, our place in the world… the why’s and what if’s. And then suddenly Jason would be jumping out into the snow and making a snow angel, followed by Jimmy — both of them yelling and laughing. When you jump out of blazing hot water and into snow, it’s pins and needles! They were nuts. Best of friends since school days, those two were like brothers. I have a photo of the two of them inexplicably getting into the same pair of pantyhose in my laundry room. I have no idea why, but there it is. And it was hilarious. We would go over to my buddy Jesse’s grandparent’s lake house and play pool and sit out in their hot tub and watch movies on their massive 65” TV (which really was a big deal in 2002). There were late night meals at this diner in Columbia City — I didn’t do too many of those because I was working full time. Of course there were fights and disagreements, but that was all part of growing as friends, you know? Even in the midst of all the crazy and incredulous stuff that was said, we always came away laughing or shaking our heads, and the disagreements worked themselves out.
The Fast and The Furious was big in the those days, and Josh Lee and Jason loved messing with cars. Jimmy had a Mustang which looked super amazing. I guess he got in trouble one year so his dad pulled the big engine and stuck a 4 cylinder Ford Escort engine in it. This might be one of the most hilarious punishments I have heard of. Jimmy called it his Muscort. Jason was always doing something to his car — putting in a new radio, painting calipers, etc. One night we spent hours messing with a stuck caliper in the garage. (Keep in mind that was long before you could YouTube everything and watch a tutorial.) Dad was a big help that night. One day we were in Fort Wayne area and hit up an awesome car show full of Eurocars. We came away with so many ideas and grand plans. Jason actually bought my red Integra. He had been after me to sell it to him forever, and one day I finally said, sure, why not. It was such a great car. The worst part of the story was like a few weeks later, someone totally t-boned him and it was totaled. He was fine, but so mad about that. He ended up getting a year newer Integra in white. By that time I had the Pathfinder and the Prelude. Josh Lee was sporting a black Civic — “powered by Yeshua,” and Fricke had a shiny red Neon. We had a lot of bonding moments over cars.
Jason and a couple of the guys (Winey and Lukas maybe?) lived in a house down the road from campus. It was a basement apartment and was where I learned the magic of the PS2. From SSTricky to GT3 to VirtuaFighter, I spent many hours hanging out down there playing games (and losing many) with them. It’s funny, it wasn’t even that nice of an apartment, but we didn’t care because being together was what mattered.
Thinking back on all these memories, I am grateful for that season. I am grateful that Jason and Kristi and company accepted me and made me a part of their tribe. Jason and I were talking about it a couple years ago and he said, “We are both so grateful for those times back then. We needed a support like you. Not sure if anyone ever said that to you. But you were stable, and reliable. And I really needed that.” Kristi said that “[Josh’s] house was always this safe haven where we could go to get away from the stresses of life. It was a place where one could find comfort, acceptance, and a guaranteed intellectual challenge. Hospitable: treating guests with warmth and generosity; receptive. I don’t know anyone like Josh Petrillo. This man constantly opens up his house to a bunch of stupid college kids who have no money and no place to relax and unwind. I’m astonished at how incredibly giving he is. I mean, we eat his pot pies, his nachos, we drink his hot chocolate, his tea. And while he’s not made of money, he’s completely willing to assuage us. I sometimes feel bad for going over there and “mooching” off of him, but I’m glad that he is so willing to open his place up to us. I’d honestly go ballistic if I didn’t have a place where I knew I could unwind, where I’d be completely comfortable and not forced to be something I’m not. So yeah..thanks for everything, Josh. You’re more than a host to me… and I know to the rest of us yahoos as well.”
Those words mean so much to me because that was my heart — to be a place where people could come and feel accepted and loved and be themselves. It genuinely was an honor for me and blessed me more than you all realize.
I left Grace in 2003, so it was a little harder to keep up on things. I drove to Ohio for their wedding in 2003 and saw them again at Winey’s wedding in 2004. Jason and I talked a lot via social media — so much about photography and creativity — he was so talented and honestly inspired me to shoot a lot more. We talked about running sound and all things music when he worked at the studio. He loved his little house with Kristi in the woods of Winona, but he spoke of moving out west to the big sky country, mental health, politics, starting the restaurant in Warsaw, the struggles of cancer, getting a Jeep (which was super cool), and the excitement of fatherhood. Our messages were sometimes rambling and sometimes brief, but I always enjoyed reconnecting when we could. Now, I wish I would have done that more in person, but I am grateful for the small moments we did have.
When Aaron called me on Thursday, I knew something had happened. I could hear it in his voice in the message he left. When he told me that Jason passed away on Wednesday, April 12, 2003, my heart just broke. For Kristi, for Jakob, for Olivia to lose this one who they loved — her husband; their father so unexpectedly — is the hardest thing imaginable.
Looking back through all the photos and blog posts and messages, I am thankful for your friendship, Jason. Thank you for bringing together this amazing tribe of people who have gone on to do great things. Thank you for sharing your creativity in song and sound; for sharing your love for family and friends, and for being a great human being and a good friend. I am grateful to have shared in your life for a few short years. I will see you on the other side, my friend.