Two years ago today I lost my sense of smell during COVID. I had heard of people losing their smell and taste during the pandemic, but most people regained them within a few weeks or so. I was assured by many that it would return For my whole life, I have been a “sensitive smell guy.” Slight odors — both good and bad — have always been easy for me to detect. Losing this sense really threw me for a loop. Strangely, my sense of taste did not seem to be affected the way others’ were; things pretty much tasted normal to me. As the weeks went on following my recovery from COVID, my sense of smell did not return. There was nothing there. Like a blank space where something should be. We only have five senses. Losing any of them is a devastating blow. People who completely lost both smell and taste … my gosh, that is hard. At any rate, I began to realize how many things are tied to smell. Not only the emotional memories (the amazing smell of baking cookies, the glorious aroma of Thanksgiving dinner at Gram’s house, the air after a storm, fresh cut grass, a favorite cologne) but the physical reality that I can’t smell propane, or something burning, or a dead animal. (I found a dead mouse in a trap in the closet the other day that I forgot I had set… it had been dead for several days. Couldn’t smell it.)
Weeks stretched into months and now, years. I have to say that this has been a tough one. The depression is real. The discouragement is real. Losing something you have had your whole life isn’t something you shrug off easily. You try and focus on the positive and keep moving forward, but it doesn’t make those feelings any less hard or real. I joined a support group on Facebook of several thousand people who are dealing with Anosmia (no smell) and Parosmia (altered smell) as well as Dysgeusia (altered taste). Later, I was invited to join the team of 4 other admins to help moderate the now 50k+ members of people trying to deal with this loss. So many people are confused, discouraged, angry, frustrated, suicidal, and wondering if there is any hope to regain our senses. One theme that constantly comes up is people who have families, partners, spouses, who think it is all mental — you are being dramatic, faking it, etc. Truly astounding is that level of insensitivity. As if you would say to someone who lost their vision in an accident that it was all in their head. People have lost and gained tremendous amounts of weight. They have lost careers and have had dreams destroyed.
By August of 2021, I was dealing with parosmia, smelling things wrongly, but still generally not smelling much at all. One day I stood in a field that a farmer was spreading manure over. As a friend stood next to me, practically choking on the smell, he looked at me standing there blissfully, not smelling a darn thing and said, “Can you not smell this?!” That is still the case. I can’t smell poop or vomit or other bad smells. I don’t know what to think of that. Soon I began experiencing phantosmia (phantom smells) like smelling wood smoke all day, every day for a straight week. Then it just vanished. This still happens. I also discovered a few items that I can’t eat because of dysgeusia — cucumbers and pickles taste rotten, blueberries are horribly sour, bananas are musty, and some of my favorite candy is just bad. I tried a lemonade from Chick-Fil-A and it was rancid.
Anyway, here we are. November 4, 2022. I pray healing and restoration over myself daily. I have been prayed for many times by friends at church and others from all over the US. I have held to hope (and still do) that the pathways will connect the way they are supposed to and I will regain my senses in proper working order. People in our group leave when they regain their senses. And they do. Some in months. Some in a year, Others in two years. It takes time. I never imagined the emotional and physical toll that this loss would bring. I am grateful that even though I experience this hardship, I survived. I was not one of the 6.6 million people who died from COVID. I didn’t get permanent damage to my heart or lungs or lose a limb like many. But millions have experienced what I experience and are trying to learn how to deal with this “new normal.”
In the meantime, mowing the grass smells super weird, and burning leaves even more so. But life keeps moving onward, and I am looking upward and walking forward… hoping for a miracle … where once again I will smell the good stuff (and the bad too!) the way it should be.
Grace and peace on the journey my friends.